Sunday, December 25, 2011

Caowin's True Meaning of Christmas

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! And to my Jewish followers, I pray that you will accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior soon and then celebrate Christmas, just as God intended.

Now, I really love this time of year, and not only because it gives me a really good excuse to start hating on the Jews. No, I actually just appreciate the fact that, during this time of year, everyone takes the time out of their busy schedules to spend time with the families they hate.

Someone I know that really gets the true meaning of Christmas is my friend Kailee. She is like the personification of Christmas. For one, she has an almost fetishistic obsession with bright colors and shiny things. She seriously cannot get enough of that crap.

And she is obnoxiously cheerful. Like seriously. She's one of those super nice and happy blonde people who is hated by like half the population because they don't believe that anyone could genuinely nice and happy. Just like Christmas, the only reason you could possibly hate Kailee is because you think it's an act.

And here's the thing - the truth is, it IS an act. Kailee doesn't actually like her life! She's absolutely miserable, and kind of a bitch to boot. But she PRETENDS like it isn't. That's called The Christmas Spirit,

But there's more parallels than that. Kailee isn't a Christian. She was raised in that cultural, but she's actually a heathenish nonbeliever. She prefers the term "a-theist" but I would give her evil beliefs a D+ at the very best. However, she appreciates the holidays as a time to appreciate what really matters - material possessions.

Which brings me to the most important way in which Kailee is like Christmas - she is shallow and measures her happiness by how much stuff she has.

"But Caowin," you are probably saying, "I watched this Christmas movie the other day, and I learned that the true meaning of Christmas wasn't material possessions, but rather spending time with the people you love."

And I get what you're saying. I've been watching Christmas movies all of December, since my mother thinks they have value for some reason, and I've realized something. Yes, in each movie, the characters decide that the true meaning of Christmas is being around the people you love, but right after that, they get all the stuff they want!

For example, in "It's a Wonderful Life," George Bailey learns that "No man is a failure who has friends," and then comes home to be given loads of money by all those friends. In "Miracle on 34th Street," the little girl learns how to believe in Santa Claus even though he can't always give everyone what they want, and then she gets a huge ass house. Heck, even in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," everyone gets all their stuff back.

Kailee was explaining this to me the other day. "Well, duh. It's really easy to say that what's important is your family and friends when you've got all kinds of stuff." 

If that's not the true meaning of Christmas, I don't know what is.

1 comment:

  1. Merry christmas homo. I hope u got all the material possessions ur little heart desires. No ho ho homo