Monday, December 19, 2011

CAOWIN'S NEWS FLASH: Kim Jong-Il Is Dead

Okay guys. Something terrible has happened to Kim Jong-Il, the totalitarian leader of North Korea. No, he didn't run out of awesome sunglasses. Nor did he accidentally misplace his arsenal of nuclear weapons.

It is an interesting man whose great tragedies would involve either nuclear weapons or sunglasses.

No, what happened to him is he died. Kim Jong-Il, dictator extraordinaire and focus of the world's zaniest cult of personality, has died.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Caowin, that's not such a bad thing. He was a bad guy, right?" But you're missing the point. Sure, he was a manipulative oppressor of his people and enemy of freedom as a whole, but he was a hilarious manipulative oppressor of his people and enemy of freedom as a whole.

I mean, when he quit smoking, he forced all of North Korea to also quit smoking. He imported hookers from Sweden. He even passed a law saying only he and his son could wear a particular type of furry hat. This was not an ordinary dictator. This was a comedic gold mine.

And now he's dead! I mean, I've only started blogging recently, so I never got the chance to make hilarious jokes. But now that I'm trying them on for size, they're great! I mean, I had very little time to figure this blogpost out, but it's the easiest thing I've ever tried to do ever. All you have to do is mention something hilarious he did, like launch missiles into the Sea of Japan just because he can, and let the audience laugh at the sheer absurdity of the idea that someone like him managed to become ruler of a country.

But yesterday, Kim Jong-Il died, and with him died all the hilarious jokes I could have made about him. We can only hope his successor is half as hilarious as Kim Jong-Il was.

[ Editor's note: Y. S. Rice - I would like the readers to know that I, too, am in mourning for our loss. Kim Jong-Il was the first, and perhaps last terrifying, evil, and disgusting human being who the rest of the world could safely laugh at. That being said, I hear David Cameron has plans to take over Kim's responsibilities if his heir fails to live up to his comic brand of evil himself. RIP]

[ Writer's note: Caowin - Silly Yaya! You forgot about Hitler - he killed loads of people: comic genius. RIP to him too.]

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