Readers, I'm not a big fan of my cowriter, Y. S. Rice. This is in part because he is a great big trinational homosexual, which means he flaunts his camp style all over the world, and in part because he tries to stop me from voicing my opinions about rape.
However, every now and then, I have to admit that he has a good idea. For example, RedTube. I love that site, and I would have never found it if he hadn't told me about it. (Note: I'm not going to link to RedTube in case children are reading this. I don't need any help korrupting the kiddies.)
The great idea I am referring to is his idea to send the Tea Party to England. Now, you might be thinking, "But Caowin! Isn't the Tea Party, in its very name, something essentially American?" And that's where you're wrong. I mean, while the British may remember the Tea Party differently than we do, they surely haven't forgot what we did with all their tea.
We threw it on the ground!
Besides, people don't mind naming themselves after people that fought them in wars. That's why we have the Washington Redskins, whose name is only slightly offensive. They should just be happy that we remember them at all.
Which brings me to my next point: racism. The Tea Party, as we all know, dislikes immigrants and Muslims, right? But these two hatreds are often very distinct from one another. Now imagine if they could take these two distastes and form one mega-hatred.
Well, in Britain, most immigrants ARE Muslims. We have finally discovered the peanut butter and jelly of discrimination, with xenophobia and religious intolerance being those two great tastes that taste great together. It's like a win-win situation, the two winners being racists and the torch-and-pitchfork making industry.
And surely the Tea Party would have opinions on the rampant social liberalism? Abortion, gay marriage, the general homoness of the country as a whole - the Tea Party would fix a lot of this up to, turning "The United Kingdoms" into "The United Kingdoms - NO HOMO."
Or what about taxes? While Cameron, Brown and Blair claimed to have different political affiliations, they maintain a 20% sales tax. You know what the Tea Party would do to that?
The only problem I saw with this is that it'll be very hard to convince the British to do a Tea Party of the American political variety. What kind of Briton is going to dress up like a colonial man and march?
But then I realized - what kind of Briton ISN'T going to, in essence, put on fancy clothing and go for a brisk walk? Those bastards LOVE doing that! I know because I read Pride and Prejudice like seventeen times. That entire book, everyone is either dressing up or going for walk. It is the British way.
And that is my plan for fixing Britain: send the Tea Party over. They can be racist, homophobic AND tax-evading. It is like Tea Party heaven.