Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Caowin's Editorial on Important Issues

Recently, I searched for “important issues” on Fox News – this is how I get the vast majority of my news, you know.

Now, I’m not going to call myself a Republican. Nowadays, we Republicans call ourselves “Independents,” so people don’t instantly hate us. But I will tell you that I hate the gays and think taxes should be optional, so…

Anyway, Fox News decided that the most important issue was their interview with Mitt Romney. Now, some of you are thinking, “They’re a news source, and they think the most important thing is they talked to this guy?” But that’s missing the point.

Mitt Romney is super cute!

I mean, look at that ass.
No homo.

Now, if you clicked the link, you’ll notice it’s like an eight minute video, which might seem long when you forget that it’s Mitty Witty (I love calling him by pet names) – he’s super long all over.

That's his sex face - still no homo.

You might also think Romney talked about important issues. He probably did. But I just kept on thinking “Aw, look at my Governor Mitchell-Bear!” He mentioned that the world wants a strong America, although all I want from him is a strong MAN.

He also spent a whole bunch of time bashing on Obama, and then said about Herman Caine, “I’m not going to talk about his vulnerabilities.”

I agreed – talking about some other guy’s vulnerabilities might give them the wrong idea, even though everyone knows that Romney-kins is mine.


All man and all mine. (No homo is implied here.)

But then I realized, he just spent half the interview doing just that for Barack Obama. And this is when I got scared.

Is Mitty Witty trying to subtly hint on national television that he wants Barack Obama sexually? I mean, I know it’s silly for me to even think, but he’s a powerful man – what if he leaves me for someone cuter, with more political clout? I mean, just look at my Rom-Rom.

He’s even cuter when I’m worried that I’m losing him.

I just don’t want to lose him.

***

'Nude Lovers' and 'Romney's Sex Face' photoshopped by Y. S. Rice.

All other illustrations were chosen and edited by Jester Antonio Caowinhim.

CAOWIN: Another thank you to Y. S. Rice for helping me with the gay porn! No homo!

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