Monday, October 24, 2011

Bottom of the News 24/10/11

CAOWIN HERE!! So recently my cowriter, Y. S. Rice, has been busy and I offered to do his Monday survey of the news, which he calls “Top of the News” for reasons that escape me. (Does he think it’s clever? Who knows!)

Anyway, while I will try to stick to his format, I won’t try that hard. For example, Mr. Rice usually goes on Google News and just clicks whatever is on the top. But when I did this, the first thing that came up was something about Gaddafi, whoever that is.
I'm guessing he's a James Bond villain.

So I then decided to actually look something up - namely, “Romneykins.” I love to see all the silly stuff my favorite ball of future presidency is up to. But then the article that came up was less than flattering.

According to the article, Mitt Romney is “wooden...scripted...boardroom cool.” Now, at first, I assumed that the article was referring to the stuff he and I did last night, where I pretended to be his foresting company’s biggest shareholder and he had to convince me to keep my money in said company’s stock despite suffering some losses this quarter.

But as I read on, I realized this had nothing to do with Governor Rom-Rom’s love for roleplaying. This article was suggesting that Mitt Romney lacked the emotional appeal to get people to vote for him. Now, if you’re anything like me, you immediately thought, “But Mitt Romney is the most appealing guy in America! I mean, just look at that ass.”
Now THAT'S a bottom of the news!
But that’s not the only way that people have been mean to my future Mr. Prezzybuns. In the recent GOP debate, other potential GOP candidates kept on talking over Mitty Witty for no reason! It made it really hard to masturbate to him.

Come on guys! Even if you don’t think Mitt Romney is as cute as a kitten cuddling with a baby Golden Retriever, why don’t you treat him with the respect that a reasonably attractive presidential candidate deserves?

Not a requirement for being respected.
Sure, he can be emotionally unavailable at times, but he’s really trying. And unlike most of the candidates the GOP is offering, who have that “bad-boy” Tea Party swag, Mitt Romney is going to offer us the stability we deserve.

Anyway, last night, after he had convinced me to keep my "stock" in his "company," my thoughtful Mitty reminded me that I’d be posting this article on my friend Kailee’s birthday, so I’d like to conclude by telling her “Happy Birthday!”

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