Thursday, September 22, 2011

Caowin's Editorial on the American Jobs Act

Even though he's a cumbucket, I have to thank my cowriter, Y. S. Rice, for giving me the idea to use pictures. Maybe he's not as homosexual as his freaky Saturday nights would suggest.


Something that really annoys me, as a public unintellectual as well as an American (which pretty much means the same thing), is stupid political gimmicks. I mean, I'm fine with super-cool, awesome political gimmicks, like dressing up as a Founding Father:

Real Americans dress up in ridiculous costumes

or displaying vaguely racist images of Barack Obama:

It's offensive - because it's TRUE!

But when politicians like Barack Hussein Obama bin Laden start choosing style over substance in a way that is less than completely awesome, a part of me dies inside. For example, quite recently, Barack Obama announced a new plan of his to get America going, called "The American Jobs Act."

First of all, I'd like to criticize that name. I mean, who are those American jobs going to? I'll give you a hint: his name is Juan and your wife is cheating on you for him.

At least, he looks like a Juan.

But his actual ideas are much more sinister than that. First, a major part of his plan includes tax cuts: for small businesses that hire Americans, tax cuts if those Americans are veterans or unemployed, tax cuts for families - there's tax cuts for everyone!

Did Barack Obama hire this chick as an advisor?
Makes sense - she is the Progressive lady.

Now, you might notice that all this talk of "tax cuts" reminds you of a slightly straighter political party - namely the Republicans. That's because Barack Obama has plagiarized most of this bill from ideas that were originally proposed by conservatives.

It shouldn't really come as a surprise to anybody. Two of Barack Obama's biggest achievements so far, healthcare reform and cap and trade, have already been based on Republican ideas. But if Barack Obama keeps on copying other people's ideas, he's totally going to cramp the Republican's style.

"No, Obama! I want to propose tax cuts!"

In addition to this gimmick, he also played the math card when discussing his plan to tax the superwealthy. He plans to let the Bush tax cuts expire for income earned over one million dollars. He said this would fix the deficit. "It's not class warfare," he said, "it's math."

Now, I know what you're thinking. "He's going to try to get support for something by calling it math?" But look at it this way - if he calls something math, no one is going to try criticize it because everyone hates thinking about math.

But perhaps the worst gimmick is how he makes his obviously socialist plan (because, I mean, it's Barack O-fucking-bama) by cloaking it with things that most people believe. I mean, the idea of offering tax cuts for hiring people seems like it would work, and virtually all Republicans agree with it. And most people would agree the rich should probably pay their fair share.

If we have leaders that appeal to people's actual opinions, we will start moving down a slippery slope. I mean, we need our politicians to offer us the opportunity to dress up and be racist (see above.) If politicians start getting votes by having good ideas that people agree with, what will the world come to?


  1. Wait... That picture of Obama is only VAGUELY racist?

    Y. S. Rice